Learning from history

I have started a new book, the first book I have read of recent contemporary fiction in….uh….not sure how long. Five years maybe? It is Laurus by Eugene Vodolazkin (translated from the Russian). It is an eccentric book but appealing, for reasons I don’t totally understand yet….perhaps I am curious about the logic by which it is structured? It’s also full of rich, humourous language and references which I always enjoy in a book.

Anyway, I took a break from reading and found this interview with Vodolazkin and his translator, which I want to bookmark here. There is lots in it to think about.  Here is some of the text as to give a flavour:

Eugene Vodolazkin: Memory … What do we have except memory? Nothing. Memory is the consciousness of a person, whereas history is the consciousness of the people. And that is why the book of books, the Bible, is a historical text. It ismemory. As it happens, I am a historian — formerly a philologist, but my whole life I’ve studied the Middle Ages, and my academic writing is more about history and the philosophy of history than about linguistic problems. But history as such is not as important as we sometimes think. There’s Cicero’s famous aphorism: “History is the teacher of life.” But we shouldn’t take these words too seriously. History doesn’t actually repeat. I mean, it does in some sense, but if you want to build a modern democracy, you quickly understand that ancient Greek democracy has nothing to do with what you want, except in name. Because every historical event is a great complex of different circumstances, intentions, and so on and so forth. And to bring all of these together for a second time is impossible. And that’s why knowledge of history will not save us, cannot teach us what to do in the future. You can’t draw political conclusions from history, except in some extremely limited sense.

Interviewer: So it’s not the case that those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it?

EV: Well, it’s not that history doesn’t teach us anything at all. But you have to identify the specific sphere of its influence. And for me, that would be the personal sphere. If we want to draw historical lessons, we must understand that they are moral rather than political. For society as a whole, it doesn’t make sense to study examples, because each person has his or her own agenda, in the same way that every battle has its own general. There are so many directions, so many vectors, that it is impossible to regulate this process. Which brings me back to our previous topic: if you want to help your society, develop yourself. Don’t develop the Volk, the people in general. Don’t deal in thousands and millions; deal with your own self. This point is crucial for The Aviator. One of the book’s main ideas is that personal history is much more important than general history, than world history — that world history is actually only a small piece of individual history. Whereas all these utopian ideas, like communism, all these ideas that put pressure on individuality — they are not organic, not vital. They have no right to exist. And The Aviator is precisely a text about an attempt at emancipation of personal history from world history. (full interview)

Part 2 (Rules 4, 5 and 6): Dr Jordan Peterson’s Beyond Order with personal commentary

Preamble: see Part 1 for my explanation of what I’m doing.

About the book: Beyond Order follows JBP’s 2018 book, 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos (for a total of 24 rules between both books). Each chapter is devoted to one rule. The chapters may include discussion of self-help ideas, psychological and other scientific research, analysis of literature, popular culture, mythology and/or religion, political and social commentary and anecdotes to build on the theme. This is much like JBP’s speaking style which many know from his popular online lectures and podcasts. Part of the delight and enjoyment is watching thinking and sense making in action. 

Links to other posts in this series (I will make links live as I write and post each blog):

 

Part 1 (Rules 1, 2, 3)

Part 2 (Rules 4, 5, 6)You are reading it

Part 3 (Rules 7, 8, 9)

Part 4 (Rules 10, 11, 12)

 Rule 4: Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated

I had this advice in mind when I offered to teach a subject and group of students outside of my current specialization earlier this year. It was a year of staffing challenges because of some students choosing online learning, thus a lack of teachers. I also saw some potential benefits to my core group of students if I made myself available to fill this need area. So for one class a day, I taught a small group of very complex learners. I was often learning the subject (history, politics, current events) at the same time as them. It was not exactly academically challenging but the challenge was keeping the students engaged and creating a supportive learning environment. There was a lot of improvisation and dialectical conversation.

Did this assignment increase my stress level? Definitely. I had a lot of anxiety about being able to teach the subject effectively but especially over my students’ mental health and behaviours. Could I have hypothetically refused to take on this class? Perhaps. Am I glad I took on the challenge? I am! I learned to really like my little group, despite their complexities, and I know they liked me in return. We had many interesting conversations together. At the end of the course, the students asked to have a potluck. I was impressed with how they supported each other (apart from occasional squabbles) and how they each made an effort at the end to have this celebration, bringing food and serving each other. I even got my favourite donut.

Rule 5: Do not do what you hate

Conflict is not something I seek out, that’s for sure. It’s not that I will never have a confrontation, but I have to talk myself into it. That is not perhaps a bad thing as I do approach difficult situations thoughtfully. But avoidance is always a temptation. One reason I appreciate Dr Peterson is he reminds me to take a hard look at this side of my character and ask if I need to take a stronger stand sometimes.

An advantage of the close relationship I have formed with my co-teacher this year is that she is less agreeable and more willing to say No to people. I have been able, in an appropriate and respectful way, to see what happens when we set stronger boundaries. And often things get better.  A few people become and remain grumpy, but others are supportive and start to play a better game with us.

My efforts to follow this advice are ongoing.

Rule 6: Abandon Ideology

I work in an area (education) that is susceptible to fad ideas. They may take a while to trickle down to the actual classroom level, because teachers and students are very routine based and it’s not easy to suddenly change your practice, whether or not change would be beneficial.

My view is that teaching is not actually that complicated, though it is hard. Complex and poorly prepared students of course make it harder because you have to invest a lot of time and energy figuring out their priority of needs, and it’s often a struggle to find the time and resources. So the problems of society impact us. But are there some sort of special teaching techniques that can be learned that will make a huge difference? For some students with specialized needs, sure. There are strategies that can help. But there is no “secret formula” or easy solution. It comes down to relationships, flexibility, and the beneficial use of authority.

It is however, always tempting to believe that there are simple solutions. It’s easier to teach a simple idea, for one thing. I often felt overwhelmed trying to explain news stories. I told my students we could easily spend the entire course learning about one news story about China, or Canada’s indigenous people, or any other topic. Sometimes they would ask why we were discussing a “current event” from a year ago. I answered that almost every story in the news had been developing for years, maybe generations. It is impossible to understand it by reading one story.

It occurred to me, as I was doing this, often awkwardly, that it would be easier to say that current events are caused by systemic racism, or colonialism, or patriarchy, or whatever. Not only would such terms give a quick, easy explanation, they would give me and the students a pleasant feeling of being allied against such evils. All of them were active on social media too so had at least some exposure to these words  and the groups that promote them. I could have invited them to be part of a “tribe” that has a straightforward story about the past and present.  There would have been some pushback, but I was after all the authority.

I didn’t, and I won’t, because as Dr Peterson notes above, the ideological explanations oversimplify and misdirect.  They make it too easy, and satisfying, to name and shame villains. They minimize how incredibly difficult it is to actually stand up against something that is wrong, instead offering group belonging as a cover. I have seen how activists actually behave when they have decided somebody is a racist, or a transphobe, or a misogynist, or any other name they choose. It is usually mostly or entirely arbitrary. It is vile and ugly. There is plenty of ugliness in the world, including some that lines up with some definitions of racism, misogyny, etc. But this does not justify the creation of further viciousness. I will not indoctrinate other people.

When students (or anyone, really) confronts me with their (often justifiable) anger or sadness at something in the world, I ask them to observe their own life, relationships, physical and social world. What can they make better? What can they stop doing wrong? Absolutely anybody can find something they can change for the better. By contrast, if they lash out in anger against another person (and the selection of target is again almost always random and/or selected by another person with their own agenda), who benefits? 

It’s a good thing I am getting some experience teaching (and applying) these ideas as I don’t see the need lessening any time soon.

Part 1 (Rules 1, 2 and 3): Dr Jordan Peterson’s Beyond Order with personal commentary

Preamble: I finished reading Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life in July. I tried to think of how best to respond to the book. I could write a “review,” but I don’t see how that would be of much use to me, or others (the one or two people who read my blog, on a good day? Hahahaha.) Also, total honesty, I started the book in March, and took plenty of breaks, so my memory is not great of all the chapters. I would have to reread the whole thing to do a proper synthesis, and I was kind of hoping to start a new book.

So, I went back through the chapters, and from each I picked one or sometimes two quotes that particularly jumped out at me, and that I can relate to or actively apply in my life. It is certainly reductionist of the ideas, but will perhaps be an intriguing “teaser” for those who have not read the book, and for those who have read, a demonstration of how I actually apply Dr Peterson’s ideas. After all, I am not a full time book reviewer, or public intellectual, and have no plans to become one. I’m also in my 40s now with a busy life and have little time or patience for useless ideas. If I can’t use it, I won’t waste my time or yours. If I can, I’ll show you how.

About the book: Beyond Order follows JBP’s 2018 book, 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos (for a total of 24 rules between both books). Each chapter is devoted to one rule. The chapters may include discussion of self-help ideas, psychological and other scientific research, analysis of literature, popular culture, mythology and/or religion, political and social commentary and anecdotes to build on the theme. This is much like JBP’s speaking style which many know from his popular online lectures and podcasts. Part of the delight and enjoyment is watching thinking and sense making in action. 

Links to other posts in this series (I will make links live as I write and post each blog):

Part 1 (Rules 1, 2, 3) You are reading it

Part 2 (Rules 4, 5, 6)

Part 3 (Rules 7, 8, 9)

Part 4 (Rules 10, 11, 12)

Rule 1: Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement

Chapter 1 focuses on why people, as social beings, need each other and how we organize those relationships. “People depend on on constant communication with others to keep their minds organized…..we think by talking” (p.3) Our mental health is not solely dependent on our interior state, but on relationships. Relationships take many forms, depending on what you are doing. You might be a beginner at something, and need to approach others with humility and some vulnerability.  Next you might relate as an equal, actively taking on responsibility and contributing. As an authority, you may have power over others but if wise you do not use that in a wilful or arbitrary manner.

In the past two years I have had two different jobs, in two different locations, both in a somewhat novel teaching area. So I was learning about the student profile and my responsibilities as well as new schools at the same time, while adjusting to life as the mother of two kids. (Then there was Covid of course, but even without that there were many challenges, and in fact my biggest struggles came before Covid.)

Something I very consciously tried to do at both jobs, but especially the current one, is actively form solid trusting work relationships. A few years ago I worked at a school where my relationships with colleagues were rather chilly and awkward, and it was nagging problem and a stressor. I think I was focusing too much on what I was doing, versus how I was relating, and it wasn’t a great strategy.  In my current job, which I’m very happy with, I try to always show up with the attitude that I am there to contribute and support others and that I have a lot to offer. It also helps that my co-teacher is appreciative and has always been vocal about that appreciation. I was constantly starved for acknowledgment at my previous job: it felt like the more I needed it and the harder I tried, the less response I had.  Trusting relationships make it much easier to share ideas, take creative risks, give honest feedback, cope with stress, and face adversity.

Rule 2: Imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that

I see the importance of a story structure in my daily life as well as in the overall arc of my life. I am often very busy, and wish that I had more leisure, or could take leisure without the guilt of leaving things undone. On the other hand, when I have more flexible time and less to do, for example during the summer or on weekends, I’m not necessarily happier.  The reason seems to be that I need a structure to my day. There has to be something I’m trying to accomplish by the end of it. The pattern is something like preparation, anticipation, action, reflection and rest. The simple challenge of planning a picnic and going to a park to eat it with my kids can help me engage with life and enjoy the moment, whereas I might just spend hours in a daze otherwise.

On a bigger scale, I like to look back on my life and notice events that have inspired me to take a certain direction, or to deepen my perceptions and understanding. Keeping a journal or more recently a blog is helpful because the important events (I don’t always know in advance what will prove important) are recorded and considered, and can be revisited later for further reflection.  Consciously living in my story and valuing it also helps me deal with difficulty. As the quote says, instead of seeing the chaos and tragedy of life as a random disaster, it is a challenge to keep progressing. Forward motion matters, even when the destination is unseen or uncertain.

Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog

I’ll come back to marriage more later, but chapter 3 is a hard look at why avoidance is a very bad idea. If/when something is bothering you, it is important to address it and have tough conversations if necessary. This is definitely something I’m still working on as I tend to default to “just focus on the positive!” However, this quote reminds me to look carefully at everyday routines and interactions and ask if they are actually working in the way they should or could be.  Small omissions and irritations add up over time. 

This reminds me I really should change the battery on my car door remote. When the battery starts to die, it is at first a small irritation, then a larger one, then a possible safety hazard when I can’t get the door open (especially in the dead of winter).  But it’s also a task that I forget to do over and over and think I can get away with forgetting.

Mental crossroads

I don’t remember what I was dreaming about early Sunday morning, but I woke up and decided I won’t call myself a feminist anymore. I don’t fully understand why I had this thought at this particular time, so this is a very roughed in post with ideas I need to think about and explore further. But I wanted to capture this moment, because this is actually how I build consciousness.

It’s not as if I have been advertising myself as a feminist, not lately anyway, and quite possibly never. I have rarely if ever actually said out loud to anyone or in writing “I’m a feminist!” (The only example I can recall right now was an email discussion with my brothers.)  But certainly I would claim to live by some feminist ideas or ideals at the least. I believe men and women are equal (but different too, so not necessarily equal on all objective measures). I believe in flexible gender roles, and certainly practice these in my marriage. I believe in independence. I believe women have their own “hero story” though it’s not identical to men’s either. And so on.

Most people who know me and care about such things probably assumed I am a feminist, and they wouldn’t have been wrong to do so. I thought of myself as a feminist too, but neutrally. I was feminist in the same way I am Canadian. I was born in Canada; I grew up with Canadian influences; there are things I like and appreciate about being Canadian. Likewise I grew up with feminist ideas and influences and some of them are positive as far as I can tell.  But I don’t think Canadians are superior, or that everybody should be a Canadian, or that people should admire me for being Canadian, or that Canadians should be above criticism. And I don’t believe any of those things about feminism or feminists either. I am 100% open to people saying feminists are full of shit and do not find that in any way offensive.

Where I’m most different from other self declared feminists is that I’m not oppositional. I don’t think that every problem in the world is caused by a person or group with malicious intentions. I’m not interested in “smashing the patriarchy,” probably because it’s never been very clear to me what “the patriarchy” is, exactly. In casual discourse, it seems to be a convenient stand in for “whatever is bothering the self-declared feminist at the moment.” Sometimes this is a serious issue and sometimes it’s something silly and trivial, and nobody seems to care either way, because, you know, it’s all The Patriarchy, and score points where you can.  Fuzzy terms and concepts are not helpful to me so this is one I can live without.

One reason that I find talk about “the patriarchy” suspect probably has to do with the fact I grew up in a pretty traditional nuclear family. My parents stuck to traditional gender roles far more than I do, especially during my childhood. My mom quit her job when she was married (even before having kids) and didn’t go back to work till I was a teenager. My parents never referred to themselves as feminists, at least not till much much later in life, when they might have in a cheeky way. However, there was NO devaluing of women in my childhood family. Mistakes and misunderstanding, sure, but not systematic disrespect. 

My dad would never allow anyone to refer to my mom as lesser. I was different from my brothers, with different interests and tastes, but there was never an implication that I should accomplish less with my life. Although my mom made the biggest career sacrifice, my dad made them too, and was open and unashamed of it. And when my mom did re-enter the workforce, my dad was very supportive, happily attempting to take on cooking and household tasks (not entirely successfully, but he tried.) The point is, my parents were family-focused. They respected each other and their children on that basis. It wasn’t about being a feminist, or a tyrant, or a selfish asshole. Although I don’t agree with all their values and I don’t want to replicate their life, there is no doubt it was built on something substantial. 

For as long as I can remember considering myself a feminist, I’ve been a “non-conforming feminist.” This means that I take from the body of thinking what makes sense to me, I test it in my life as I see fit, and I note the benefits and the limitations. I have always been happy to fail any real or subjective “are you a real feminist” test because, to hell with that.

So what’s changed now? I guess I want to become or grow into something that is beyond feminism or anything in its orbit. I feel no more personal attachment to the label. I don’t mind talking with feminists or having discussions about things people consider feminist but it’s not a map for where I want to go next.

Self control or lack of

A couple of days ago I wrote up a shopping list. Right at the top were:

• Wine
• Instant coffee

For reasons that I don’t really understand, I bought everything on the list but forgot those two things. I thought about going back for them another day, but I still haven’t.

Instant coffee is my treat of choice after my morning shower on weekdays. I actually prefer it to regular coffee if I’m the only one drinking coffee: less dishes to wash, and weaker so less likely to make me feel sick later. But still familiar and tasty and comfortingly hot. Yes, I am the complete opposite of a coffee snob. On weekends when my husband is home in the mornings, we will make and share a pot of coffee (also a routine I look forward to). 

A daily glass of wine has become a habit since last spring when Covid-19 and work from home impacted society. Although I was certainly not constantly miserable, the breakdown in routines and loss of other fun activities made that glass of wine with dinner a welcome treat. It helped me relax and structure my day. It was never excessive, but my alcohol consumption changed from an occasional treat to an expectation that I planned around (if there was no wine in the house, I felt deprived.) Those statistics you probably have seen about increased alcohol consumption during Covid-19 ? I was one of them.

I blogged a couple of weeks ago on psychiatric medications and issues of dependency. I have had the matter of wine drinking in the back of my mind since. I didn’t write about it specifically, but alcohol dependence was also discussed in the podcast. This is often how I change my mind about things, or start to change it: I’ll hear or read something that gives me a bit of doubt or challenges an assumption in an interesting way. In this case the reminder was to consider what might be becoming a dependency. I don’t think wine is a serious dependency. But still, I would rather deal with it before it is one, and I want to know that I can choose to live without it.

Plus, at least for now, society is more open, there are more opportunities, more chances for experiences, and at the same time more serious questions to consider. I believe that I should not be dulling my wits and perceptions, but sharpening them.

The verdict?

Instant coffee is a go, and the supply will be replaced. But I’m taking an indefinite break from wine, unless I’m out at a restaurant, or at someone’s house, in which case I will have it as a treat.

But of course I’m not going to pretend I am forgoing all pleasures. I’ve indulged myself in other ways. I love Naot shoes and just bought a super comfy pair. I have bought one or two new pieces of clothing recently (supporting local small business, lol) and two necklaces on Etsy. I would rather have these things right now than wine every day. I suppose if I was truly self controlled I wouldn’t be buying more consumer goods at all, but at least I’ve made more of a conscious choice. Self expression, including through fashion feels more positive than making myself fuzzy headed, anyway.

Here’s to a summer of beauty and happiness, in so far as such things can be grasped!

Seeing the familiar through the foreign

Ally Matsoso’s blog The Philosophy of Motherhood is a treasure, and not only for mothers by any means. I enjoy all her writing but her essay Exploration: Know the Place for the First Time is particularly worth recommending. It resonates with me in part because I have been paying particular attention to my neighbourhood and community the past couple of years, and consciously directing my energy into those local relationships (and for the past 6 months, pulling back from social media). It started with the Covid-19 related restrictions on activities but has become a meaningful and rewarding approach to life in its own right.

Ally shares how personal observations and connections made in Africa and around the developing world affected her ideas of meaning and the ways in which we “make a difference.” Living abroad is so eye opening. Tourism is often enjoyable and better than nothing, but living in a different culture and forming relationships and working through the dislocation and challenges of an unfamiliar place is a whole other level. Definitely I would recommend it as an experience undertaken with openness and humility (I think those two things are probably necessary to survive, but certainly they will impact how much you learn.)

Seriously the best thing I am likely to read today, and perhaps you too!

Exploration: know the place for the first time

Lightness of spirit

Some weeks ago I wrote about how the the loss of live music and dance was affecting me. But it’s a funny thing: when you don’t have something, it’s hard to comprehend at all how serious of a loss it truly is.

My province is reopening and a local historical park is offering free outdoor music every week this summer. Of course I plan to go as often as I can. Tonight was the first concert.

It was so, so beautiful. I prepared a picnic supper and we ate and listened, and then my 3 year old asked her dad to dance with her, and he danced with her and her older sister, and I danced. And at the front of the stage couples and friends danced, and a whole family holding hands in a circle. Children rolled and somersaulted down the hill, full of the glee of the moment. The breeze was fresh and warm, and then during the last song rain fell.

My main thought was that I am relearning how to be a sane and decent human being. I don’t think I am a horrible person, and I truly have been trying my best whatever came at me and the people around me. But sitting in the field I felt like I have been some shadow version of my true self, more dragon than human most days.

There is more than one kind of reality: thank goodness for the chance to be relearn and to evolve!