My province is reopening and a local historical park is offering free outdoor music every week this summer. Of course I plan to go as often as I can. Tonight was the first concert.
It was so, so beautiful. I prepared a picnic supper and we ate and listened, and then my 3 year old asked her dad to dance with her, and he danced with her and her older sister, and I danced. And at the front of the stage couples and friends danced, and a whole family holding hands in a circle. Children rolled and somersaulted down the hill, full of the glee of the moment. The breeze was fresh and warm, and then during the last song rain fell.
My main thought was that I am relearning how to be a sane and decent human being. I don’t think I am a horrible person, and I truly have been trying my best whatever came at me and the people around me. But sitting in the field I felt like I have been some shadow version of my true self, more dragon than human most days.
There is more than one kind of reality: thank goodness for the chance to be relearn and to evolve!
Wishing you every blessing. For those of us in certain types of Christianity that acknowledge original sin & the darkness in all of us, it's not surprising to find a dragon in there. It's not this big thing, like dragging out every twisted aspect of our human nature so much as realizing we're all driven by selfishness. As I tell some people I work with--- welcome to having 46 chromosomes, to being part of our human community. This is who we are. When we know we have the dragon in us, it can be freeing, rather than fearful!
ReplyDeleteYou say it well. Yes, the dragon is always there and it’s not even necessarily a bad thing. I suppose what I meant here was a felt a lighter, more transformative kind of humanity, which I had kind of forgotten existed. At least I’d forgotten the actual sensation of it. Of course I had a memory of what a music is like. But a memory is not the same as being there, not at all.
DeleteIn my case, I feel "cheated" out of some of the isolation I would have liked. Although some aspects of my life allowed me to step back and do more from home, some aspects of my life required I be out there, working in a live workplace. Opposite of many who hated being confined, more separation would have suited me well. I've felt rather overrun by too many interlocking human communities for so long, against my actual grain, that I've felt rather "dragonish" for a while. It won't last forever, though.
ReplyDeleteHow interesting! I was mostly working in person too. I liked it; it helped me feel grounded and connected, when so many other things were in flux. Also I didn’t have to go far, so it feels like I am always home, in my community. But I get what you mean about sometimes wanting to be alone, too. Solitude can help me to think.
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