Part 1 (Rules 1, 2 and 3): Dr Jordan Peterson’s Beyond Order with personal commentary

Preamble: I finished reading Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life in July. I tried to think of how best to respond to the book. I could write a “review,” but I don’t see how that would be of much use to me, or others (the one or two people who read my blog, on a good day? Hahahaha.) Also, total honesty, I started the book in March, and took plenty of breaks, so my memory is not great of all the chapters. I would have to reread the whole thing to do a proper synthesis, and I was kind of hoping to start a new book.

So, I went back through the chapters, and from each I picked one or sometimes two quotes that particularly jumped out at me, and that I can relate to or actively apply in my life. It is certainly reductionist of the ideas, but will perhaps be an intriguing “teaser” for those who have not read the book, and for those who have read, a demonstration of how I actually apply Dr Peterson’s ideas. After all, I am not a full time book reviewer, or public intellectual, and have no plans to become one. I’m also in my 40s now with a busy life and have little time or patience for useless ideas. If I can’t use it, I won’t waste my time or yours. If I can, I’ll show you how.

About the book: Beyond Order follows JBP’s 2018 book, 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos (for a total of 24 rules between both books). Each chapter is devoted to one rule. The chapters may include discussion of self-help ideas, psychological and other scientific research, analysis of literature, popular culture, mythology and/or religion, political and social commentary and anecdotes to build on the theme. This is much like JBP’s speaking style which many know from his popular online lectures and podcasts. Part of the delight and enjoyment is watching thinking and sense making in action. 

Links to other posts in this series (I will make links live as I write and post each blog):

Part 1 (Rules 1, 2, 3) You are reading it

Part 2 (Rules 4, 5, 6)

Part 3 (Rules 7, 8, 9)

Part 4 (Rules 10, 11, 12)

Rule 1: Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement

Chapter 1 focuses on why people, as social beings, need each other and how we organize those relationships. “People depend on on constant communication with others to keep their minds organized…..we think by talking” (p.3) Our mental health is not solely dependent on our interior state, but on relationships. Relationships take many forms, depending on what you are doing. You might be a beginner at something, and need to approach others with humility and some vulnerability.  Next you might relate as an equal, actively taking on responsibility and contributing. As an authority, you may have power over others but if wise you do not use that in a wilful or arbitrary manner.

In the past two years I have had two different jobs, in two different locations, both in a somewhat novel teaching area. So I was learning about the student profile and my responsibilities as well as new schools at the same time, while adjusting to life as the mother of two kids. (Then there was Covid of course, but even without that there were many challenges, and in fact my biggest struggles came before Covid.)

Something I very consciously tried to do at both jobs, but especially the current one, is actively form solid trusting work relationships. A few years ago I worked at a school where my relationships with colleagues were rather chilly and awkward, and it was nagging problem and a stressor. I think I was focusing too much on what I was doing, versus how I was relating, and it wasn’t a great strategy.  In my current job, which I’m very happy with, I try to always show up with the attitude that I am there to contribute and support others and that I have a lot to offer. It also helps that my co-teacher is appreciative and has always been vocal about that appreciation. I was constantly starved for acknowledgment at my previous job: it felt like the more I needed it and the harder I tried, the less response I had.  Trusting relationships make it much easier to share ideas, take creative risks, give honest feedback, cope with stress, and face adversity.

Rule 2: Imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that

I see the importance of a story structure in my daily life as well as in the overall arc of my life. I am often very busy, and wish that I had more leisure, or could take leisure without the guilt of leaving things undone. On the other hand, when I have more flexible time and less to do, for example during the summer or on weekends, I’m not necessarily happier.  The reason seems to be that I need a structure to my day. There has to be something I’m trying to accomplish by the end of it. The pattern is something like preparation, anticipation, action, reflection and rest. The simple challenge of planning a picnic and going to a park to eat it with my kids can help me engage with life and enjoy the moment, whereas I might just spend hours in a daze otherwise.

On a bigger scale, I like to look back on my life and notice events that have inspired me to take a certain direction, or to deepen my perceptions and understanding. Keeping a journal or more recently a blog is helpful because the important events (I don’t always know in advance what will prove important) are recorded and considered, and can be revisited later for further reflection.  Consciously living in my story and valuing it also helps me deal with difficulty. As the quote says, instead of seeing the chaos and tragedy of life as a random disaster, it is a challenge to keep progressing. Forward motion matters, even when the destination is unseen or uncertain.

Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog

I’ll come back to marriage more later, but chapter 3 is a hard look at why avoidance is a very bad idea. If/when something is bothering you, it is important to address it and have tough conversations if necessary. This is definitely something I’m still working on as I tend to default to “just focus on the positive!” However, this quote reminds me to look carefully at everyday routines and interactions and ask if they are actually working in the way they should or could be.  Small omissions and irritations add up over time. 

This reminds me I really should change the battery on my car door remote. When the battery starts to die, it is at first a small irritation, then a larger one, then a possible safety hazard when I can’t get the door open (especially in the dead of winter).  But it’s also a task that I forget to do over and over and think I can get away with forgetting.