This post started because someone in one of my discussion groups asked "Why do people pursue romantic love?" He claimed to have never been in love and to not understand the experience. He asked why people think it worthwhile, if they do.
After many had weighed in with their ideas, I found myself thinking about songs that best express what is worthwhile about love. Of course there are endless answers to this question and I might answer differently depending on the day, but these are the ones that came to mind at the time.
1) Love found. I think the song "Now I see the Light" from the movie Tangled captures the transformative experience of finding love. "Now that I see you": the lover sees the divine in his/her beloved. In true love for another we see what is good and beautiful in the world. The part is the whole, and the whole is the part.
"And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you"
2) Love Lost. Leonard Cohen's "Hallejulah" both shows the pain of losing love and is a refusal to sink into despair.
"Even though it all went wrong, I'll stand up here before the lord of song, with nothing on my tongue by Hallejulah."
3) Love when it's a struggle: One True Love, by Jill Barber, sung by Jill and Matthew Barber
This song explores why love is worth fighting for. We do not get the impression that the speaker in the song has had an easy life. He or she has made mistakes, but has found a love worth standing up for. I love the throwaway relativism of "If you believe in that sorta thing" in the chorus contrasted with the speaker's firm belief that there is one true love.
Below is the live acoustic version. Look how cute they are! But I do actually prefer the non-acoustic version because it suits the aggressive nature of the lyrics. This song will get in your personal space and elevate your heart rate, in a good way.
Tooth and nail I would fight for you
Use my heart like a fist till it’s black and blue
Cause when you find your one true love
That is the time to show what you are made of
Sure I’ve loved and lost before
Bitten and bruised and sorry and sore
But this time I am back for more
And to fight
[Chorus]
For your one true love
Your one true love
If you believe in that sorta thing like I do
Your one true love
Your one true love
If you believe in that sorta thing like I do
4) Seeking, but not (yet) finding love: "No One Talks" by Moya Brennan
It is extremely hard to be looking for love and not finding it. If this struggle goes on for any length of time, then often people wonder, is there something wrong with me? is love even real? is looking for it worthwhile? It can be easy to make excuses to give up, to not bother. This song is about questioning those impulses and pushing through. Looking for love can force you to confront what you actually believe about yourself and life and can be an impetus to transform.
Now no one talks, no one to listen
No one to laugh with to share a life
Now no one cries, no one to pray with
Now who will love?
Is this what you believe?
Is this what you believe?
That no one loves, no one to warm to
Does no one care?
5) So finally, how did I come to believe what I believe about love? Well, I could write books about that, as could most people if so inclined. But I will just say here, this next song went though my head over and over when I was living abroad, and when I started to listen to it, I think it taught me something about myself, and maybe life in general.
Youth will in time decay, Eileen Aroon
Beauty must fade away, Eileen Aroon
Castles are sacked in war, chieftains are scattered far
Truth is a fixed star, Eileen Aroon
I need and want my "fixed star." I don't mind the long journey, the doubt, the uncertainty, the complexity of the world. All this I accept, and more than that, I find it fascinating. But I also believe in following the "fixed star." We will make mistakes on the way and get lost, and believe wrong and foolish things. This is inevitable. More important is to know where we are going and what we are aiming at. Love is something worth aiming at, whether or not at the present moment one can grasp it.
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