Saturday, 20 December 2025

A Christmas Palimpsest

 I.

This memory is older than

The kitchen table just level with my forehead.

I can trace the pattern

on the plastic backs of the chairs:

Brown with drawn-on quilt patches.

This memory is bigger than 

The stage where I'd just seen Swan Lake performed:

Which led to me twirling about

on the kitchen floor, announcing: 

I'm going to be a ballerina.


This is before the grammar of ballet

entered my body.

There is no stage, it is our living room

With the lights off. 

Candles are lit.

A folk song plays on the turntable.

I hold hands with my parents, and my brothers

And we dance.

The song is lost

The language is lost

The steps are lost

(If I even learned any steps.)

What remains:

Candles, a circle of hands, bright music

And my wish:

Can we dance in the dark tonight?


II.

Santa Claus,

Round, red and animatronic,

Welcomes me to the grocery store.

Ho, ho, ho: Are YOU ready for Christmas?

He presides over stacks of packaged cookies

Pastries in clamshell packets

Mandarin oranges in bright boxes.

An inflatable sleigh

Flies over the processed meat counter.

Robot Santa calls it Christmas

But he is a bit of a relic

Mostly in the temples of commerce

We call it The Holidays (capitalized)

Of course many of us no longer attend.

Instead there are domestic discussions

Over Amazon purchases

Shiny coupons on our screens give silent joy.

Each offering is tabulated on a credit card balance.


Every now and then

In between Robot Santa's speeches, a choir

Is overhead singing about Christmas.

Maybe it is an artifact

Of a cult in another kingdom

Where they dance in circles by candlelight.

Wherever it is,

I don't know the way back anyway.


III.

In this memory

I have turned off the fluorescent lights

(Economical but ugly).

The path to adulthood

Is sometimes easier to walk with the lights dimmed.

This is not yet an adventure

Taken on an eastbound airplane or

A bus at midnight, or 

A sheep-framed road in the Hebrides.

This journey is between the most familiar of walls.

Paced out hour upon hour.

I am not wishing I was somewhere else.

I am somewhere else.

Not all distances are measured in miles.


IV.

A story from far away and long ago:

680 AD in Streoneshalh, or Whitby Abbey.

There was a man called Caedmon, 

"Well-established in worldly life"

And advanced in age.

But alas for Caedmon, he had never learned any songs.

When there was a gathering at the mead-hall

An occasion for joy, where men would take turns with a harp

He would run away.

One night he left the banquet hall

After the harp came toward him,

And went out to the animal stables

Where he was to care for the cattle that night.


V.

Inside me

There are two wolves.

They stop by the woods on a snowy evening

Looking for two diverging roads.

One wolf takes the road to the mead-hall.

This is where I bring my children

To celebrations they can name.

They dance in circles

To songs whose words they know

Holding hands with friends

Who make the circle ever bigger.

Feast, abundance, tradition:

This is the gift I wish to give.

The other wolf takes a road

Which leads to an empty place, a fog

In which I dimly perceive

The songs, the languages, the prayers

I might have learned in childhood.

Here is a mirror

Too broken to show me my reflection

It is held by the wraiths of my ancestors

Who chose the less traveled road

Abandoning much along the way.

I did not choose this loss

It was bequeathed to me. 

This road seems to lead nowhere, yet

I know I will take it again and again.

Every time the burden of compassion feels heavier.

One day, perhaps

I will have enough to present my old ghosts with gifts.


VI.

Caedmon went to sleep in the stable,

With the horses. 

Then in a dream, some man stood by him.

Caedmon! Sing a song to me.

"I cannot sing," he replied.

"That is the reason I left the meadhall!"

Hwæðre þu meaht singan.

Nevertheless, you shall sing me something.

"What shall I sing?"

Sing me frumsceaft

Sing to me of creation.

When Caedmon received this answer, 

He immediately began to sing

How God created the world, 

In verses and words that had never been heard before.


VII

It wasn't a man that came to me

Last night in a dream.

But hlǣfdīġe, a lady.

I saw you standing at the end of a hallway.

I could barely make out your face,

But somehow I was expecting you.

The distance was suddenly too much,

And we ran toward each other

Embracing without a word.

There were no arguments to win or lose

Nothing said of reproach or regret.

Nor were there any words of wisdom

Or songs to last a thousand years.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised

For you are no angel and I am no saint.

In the dream,

We were silent.

It seemed like we could hear a distant choir.

Heaven, your roof

Middle-Earth, mankind's keeper

Praise forever

(c) December 2025 Síochána Arandomhan



Some sources, of information and inspiration to check out:

Bede's story of Caedmon from Heorot.dk for a transcription/translation (of course, this is one of many available online)

Two Pilgrim Tales  (I love this so much)

I first encountered the story of Caedmon and Hild as a child, in a storybook. After I rediscovered it in university, it has remained in the background of all my adult life.

I wrote about Caedmon and Hild many years ago here. More recently, I recalled encountering the story in university in my blog The Saints.

I will never exhaust Caedmon's story; this bit of writing is only my latest encounter!

Links:


Original Writing:






Writing about Poetry:

Poetry (outlining my motivations for revisiting the reading and writing of poetry)



Other things I have previously written connected to poetry:


Tuesday, 11 November 2025

Woods

 

The woods of my mind are mingled pine

and birch, with far-up sunlight broken

and reassembled, into a mosaic:

Blue sky and sparkling coin-shaped leaves.

I can walk among the trunks

In a ballerina dress

And the magical tulle never snags.

There is birdsong:

But the birds are in the distant canopy

Messengers of another sphere.

I don't know their names.


The woods in my neighbourhood

Are a ten-minute walk away.

Maybe less, when I almost run

To keep up with the girls on their bikes.

The trees are three scattered bushes.

There is a parking lot

Where the children yell into the bosom of the wind

And ride in circles.

I sit on a bench, an empty

School building at my back

A flat, mowed field at my front, green

Thanks to the frequent summer rains.

My daughter careens past, vanishes around the brick wall,

The stillness closing behind her. Then reappears, walking.

I saw a tarantula: it was right here, she says.

I watch the mounds of weeds pushing up through pavement.

Will one of them crawl toward my foot?


The best evidence of time

Are the sprinklers that erupt

Row by row for five minutes, then vanish

Amusing, ice-cold geysers.

They splash wrists and ankles

The bikes and search for tarantulas briefly abandoned.

Otherwise,

It might be another summer

A lake like an oily mirror, 

A wooden dock at its edge, the small splinters working into my bare feet.

I leap off it again and again

The thunder of my own splash echoing in my inner ear.

Above me, the mirror shatters to reassemble

Into a mosaic of liquid diamonds.

Each time, I push my body deeper

How many ways are there to be underwater?

A dancer in magical tulle

Rehearsing, weightless

In an empty studio.

You don't need music in this kind of silence.


In a few weeks, people will ask me casually:

How was your summer?

I went into the woods of my mind, and I found them

Nearer than I remembered.


(c) October 2025 Síochána Arandomhan

Links:


Original Writing:






Writing about Poetry:

Poetry (outlining my motivations for revisiting the reading and writing of poetry)



Other things I have previously written connected to poetry:


Monday, 27 October 2025

The Flow Poem

 

The Flow Zone,

On the glowing rectangle of my screen:

A diagonal arrow, straight

(sometimes with stylized curves)

Starting at zero in the left bottom corner,

Pointing upwards to the top right corner,

An endless vector between

The axes of Competence and Difficulty.

Locate yourself on the graph.

Leave a fingerprint on the screen.

Later, disgusted, wipe it off.

Along with all the other greasy marks.

How many left per hour?


The evening class.

Wearing my slightly itchy knitted sweater.

Real wool. 

I am one point in a semi-circle of desks,

Facing the Creative Writing professor. 

She is laying down the ground rules for giving feedback on writing.

Whatever you say, don’t say It flows.

Everybody says that. 

But what does it even mean?


I guess she was right.

I still can’t tell you

What flow means,

Except with that old dodge:

I know it when I see it.


What about defining what flow is not?

Start with the opposite. 

Go against the flow.

Go into the woods, find a wandering stream

Step in, force shins and ankles against the current, feel the undertow

The ache of the cold.

No, this is not the opposite of flow.

To push against a current is to have direction.

To go upstream is to seek a source.

To seek a source is to believe a source exists.

Besides,

How could standing in a woodland stream ever feel wrong?


But if there is truth in water,

Follow it.


How about sailing a boat, on a day of little wind?

I can hear my father’s voice,

Watch the ripples on the water, follow the shadows

They will tell you where the wind is coming from next,

Push out the boom, loosen the sheet, be ready.

But the wind is

A breath, then an angry gust

First from here, then from there,

The weather vane spins.

The sail, set ever so carefully,

Backs and snaps

Set it again.

Dead waves slap and rock the hull

Knock the bow sideways. 

A storm waits somewhere, they mutter.

But you have no wind

Either to turn and face it,

Or to flee.


No, that is not a comfortable feeling.

Like the itchy knit sweater, on a cold autumn night.

Why did I even wear it?

Perhaps as defiance

Against the approaching winter.

The wind cut through it, quickening my breath,

Pushing my feet faster, over the concrete path as I walked

To class. 

The heated room with yellow cinder-block walls

Felt almost welcoming in contrast.


The sweater was my mother’s.

There are photos of her wearing it,

Smiling into the camera, on top of a ski hill.

Even when I was a child,

This was a long time ago.

A time I knew only from story:


My mom and dad as newlyweds.

An apartment fire.

Everything lost.

What did they hang onto in every re-telling?

The single black and white photo of her favourite cat from childhood,

standing on his hind legs.

His first slide rule, a parting gift from a grandfather I never met

When he left Greece for Canada.


After the fire they went back once.

My mom refusing to take photos. I don’t want to remember, she said.

They saw their brand-new sauce pans on the stove, filled with ashes.

It was Christmas Eve.


The sweater.

She picked it up,

After people in the city

Filled a gymnasium with donations.

At some point, moving above the axis of time,

It was my turn to remember.


The song of the stream

The swish and slap of the lake on the hull of a boat

Too many notes to put into music,

But whether by lake or by brook, I take out my phone,

And record it.

It is memory.

My daughter goes to sailing school.

On land she wears black and her hair falls like a curtain

Over a stage where the play is yet to begin

But on water she is fierce.

She watches the wind, she leads the fleet.

Even now, walking a concrete path, she turns to me smiling.

This would be a great day for sailing.

Yes, it is, and I smile back.

Your grandpa would have said the same thing.

And look at those clouds, is there a squall coming?


(c) October 2025 Síochána Arandomhan


Links:


Original Writing:






Writing about Poetry:

Poetry (outlining my motivations for revisiting the reading and writing of poetry)



Other things I have previously written connected to poetry:


Friday, 3 October 2025

How does the made up get into the real

 August 11th to October 3rd

This was supposed to be a weekly thing....right.

But I chose to read some of Seamus Heaney's books from my collection, and I went underground for a while. So that I actually get something written, I'm going to "cheat" a bit: at least it feels like cheating. I will write a collage of observations. Which is sometimes how Heaney writes poetry, though he is much better at it than I am. 

i.

Seamus Heaney is one of the few authors whom I regret is dead.

Mostly I prefer dead authors. Dead people cannot post their opinions anywhere on the internet (that may change with AI, I suppose). I will never awkwardly drop in on them trying to be "relevant". Dead people are mysterious, whether their audience likes it or not, or whether the deceased person themselves was at peace with becoming mystery. Dead authors leave behind their writing, an artifact. We may feel possessive or antagonistic toward their artifacts. With great self-confidence (or arrogance) we may try to claim or reject them for our times, our moment. But they remain both real and remote in a way that cannot be explained away.

Mystery gives the dead author dignity. It is dignified to belong to something other than the frenetic present with its abrupt electric pulses of attention. It is dignified to belong to the past.

All this is true of Seamus Heaney. He does belong to the past: the 20th century/early 21st century world he lived in as well as the historical and literary worlds he inhabits mentally. His poems are full of references to lifeways, physical spaces and sensory impressions that are anything but universal. His classical education is also far from universal anymore.

But I could wish that Seamus Heaney was still alive in the world.  He wrote about some of the darkest aspects of human nature and experience. He did not exactly comfort and he certainly didn’t justify. But he was not cynical either. When you read his poetry, you feel the realness of things, their complexity, their ambiguity. Maybe you see a glimmer of redemption (but he isn’t doing the work for you).

The world really just seemed a more decent place when Seamus Heaney was in it. It was easier to believe in poetry, for one thing. Even just a little bit.

ii. 

Without really trying, I worked sort of backwards when I was re-reading Seamus Heaney. I started with his last collection of poetry, Human Chain, from 2010. This book was published four years after Heaney had a stroke, and he wasn't far from the end of his life (2013). He was aware of this I think, though very much alive at the same time. You can hear him considering mortality and a life now mostly lived. When I first read Human Chain, I was in a very different space. I was a bride, and future-focused. It was one of those blessed states where you feel that all the threads of life have come together to form a perfect tapestry. The past, the future, pain, loss, uncertainty: even when acknowledged they lie lightly on your mind, and the faces of those more experienced glow in the moment with a reflected, re-discovered innocence.

Of course, it doesn't last exactly like that. There always a thread in the tapestry that comes loose, that snags. Within two years of my wedding, one of the young guests died in a tragic accident. Within five, my own father would pass away after a brief, agonizing illness. Within a year, I would enter my own valley of the shadow dealing with infertility. Reading through Human Chain with these memories (and many, many others) the poems that hit hardest are those about illness and recovery.

One of the most tender of these:

......

Miracle

Not the one who takes up his bed and walks
But the ones who have known him all along
And carry him in –

Their shoulders numb, the ache and stoop deeplocked
In their backs, the stretcher handles
Slippery with sweat. And no let up

Until he’s strapped on tight, made tiltable
And raised to the tiled roof, then lowered for healing.
Be mindful of them as they stand and wait

For the burn of the paid-out ropes to cool,
Their slight lightheadedness and incredulity
To pass, those ones who had known him all along.

.....

As a bit of internet reading will tell you, if you don't recognize the scene, the poem references the healing of the paralytic by Jesus in Mark 2. But of course it is from the perspective of "those ones who had known him all along." Their care and attention (and determination to get their friend to the right place where he can be healed) is identified as a miracle. Anyone who has been ill or helpless, can sense the appreciation of the miracle of love and connection that Heaney acknowledges here. Our dreams of self-actualization, of independence, of endless optimizing - even when seemingly realized - dissolve into the reality that we rely on each other in our frailty. And once the shock wears off, in the realization that loss is the constant, not the exception, well, somewhere in between the waves of grief, one can feel something like a return to sanity. 

iii.

I took District and Circle with me on a summer walk to a nearby reservoir.  Seated on a bench, surrounded by trees and shrubs, I could glimpse the lake busy with gulls and ducks. The city hummed behind me in muffled automotive sounds. Closer, just across the water, came the intermittent whistle of a steam train, as it chugged around and around a historical park.

The poems in District and Circle (2006) are probably the least personally relatable of the Heaney poems I read. They focus on specific historical moments; on the physical labour and danger of jobs that I have no experience of; and on people from Heaney's decades-ago youth, in what was basically another world.

What is relatable: the need to grasp, to capture an impression tangibly. Reading about firemen or farm labour or blacksmithing, you may feel something of the presence of the person, not just an observation.  As the product of a softer and sillier age, I think of the "Find someone who looks at you the way" memes.

Find someone who looks at you the way....Seamus Heaney looks at everything.

.....

Helmet

Bobby Breen’s. His Boston fireman’s gift
With BREEN in scarlet lacquer on its spread
Fantailing brim,

Tinctures of sweat and hair oil
In the withered sponge and shock-absorbing webs
Beneath the crown—

Or better say the crest, for crest it is—
Steel ridge, leather-trimmed, hand-tooled, hand-sewn,
Tipped with a little clasp of beaten copper…

Emblazoned with the number 17, and on my shelf
Like a trophy, like “headgear
Of the tribe,” as O’Grady called it

In right heroic mood that afternoon
When the fireman poet presented it to me
As “the visiting fireman,” twenty years ago—

As if I were up to it, as if I had
Served time under it, his fire-thane’s shield,
His shoulder-awning, while shattering glass

And rubble-bolts out of a burning roof
Hailed down on every hatchet man and hose man
Till the hard-reared shield-wall broke.

.....

How Seamus Heaney inspires me is to have faith in my own powers of observation. Searching the internet for copies of Heaney's poems, I of course also encounter much analysis (and I am sort of adding to it here, I suppose). But each poem is mainly a witness to the power of noticing who and where you are in your own skin, in your own moment. It's the opposite of waiting to be entertained, of having a screen take you someplace else. Even if Heaney is describing something in past rural Ireland, it does not feel like watching a documentary with a soothing professional voice over. This is not nostalgia.

What if there was a truth out there that only you could find out, by paying attention? Perhaps not a truth for everybody, but one for you, now? Maybe the next poem you read, or book, will change you on a way you can never know unless you bring absolutely everything in your consciousness to it. Your five senses, the stories of ancestors five generations back (what you can intuit if you don’t know) your memories from five years old, the last five people you spoke to…

Something like that. This is one of the challenges of reading these poems.

iv

I ended with the book "Electric Light." Many poems in this collection give me a surge of pure delight every time I read them.

Bann Valley Eclogue

POET

Bann Valley Muses, give us a song worth singing,
Something that rises like the curtain in
Those words And it came to pass or In the beginning.
Help me to please my hedge-schoolmaster Virgil
And the child that's due. Maybe, heavens, sing
Better times for her and her generation.

VIRGIL

Here are my words you'll have to find a place for:
Carmen, ordo, nascitur, saeculum, gens.
Their gist in your tongue and province should be clear
Even at this stage. Poetry, order, the times,
The nation, wrong and renewal, then an infant birth
And a flooding away of all the old miasma.

Whatever stains you, you rubbed it into yourselves,
Earth mark, birth mark, mould like the bloodied mould
On Romulus's ditch-back. But when the waters break
Bann's stream will overflow, the old markings
Will avail no more to keep east bank from west.
The valley will be washed like a new baby.

POET

Pacatum orbem: your words are too much nearly.
Even 'orb' by itself. What on earth could match it?
And then, last month, at noon-eclipse, wind dropped.
A millenial chill, birdless and dark, prepared.
A firstness steadied, a lastness, a born awareness.
As name dawned into knowledge: I saw the orb.

VIRGIL

Eclipses won't be for this child. The cool she'll know
Will be the pram hood over her vestal head.
Big dog daisies will get fanked up in the spokes.
She'll lie on summer evenings listening to
A chug and slug going on in the milking parlour.
Let her never hear close gunfire or explosions.

POET

Why do I remember St. Patrick's mornings,
Being sent by my mother to the railway line
For the little trefoil, untouchable almost, the shamrock
With its twining, binding, creepery, tough, thin roots
All over the place, in the stones between the sleepers.
Dew-scales shook off the leaves. Tear ducts asperging.

Child on the way, it won't be long until
You land among us. Your mother's showing signs,
Out for her sunset walk among big round bales.
Planet earth like a teething ring suspended
Hangs from its world-chain. Your pram waits in the corner.
Cows are let out. They're sluicing the milk-house floor.

-Page 12, Electric Light, 2001, Seamus Heaney

I love the playfulness of this poem, the way particular detail is wound in with existential contemplation. It could be fun to get into the analysis, starting with looking up all the Latin phrases and references which I do not know off by heart. I don't necessarily have an urge to do this every time I read it though, nor to explain them away. What I like best is the way all the lines run off my tongue, the way they feel like speaking a blessing.  I read it and I think, everything is beautiful, but especially the things Heaney has noticed, but also everything.

In another poem, "Known World," Heaney asks the question I chose as the title of this piece: "How does the made-up get into the real?" He replies with: "Ask me an easier one!" It is a question I ask myself though, especially when thinking about poems or stories that I have continued to read all my life. The best literature does enter "the real," perhaps even seeming more real than what we call "reality." I think Seamus Heaney does answer that question, in all his body of work. The made-up (poetry? mythology? history?) gets into "the real" when you carry it with you, when you observe closely and understand how stories and experiences speak to each other. That is the lasting impression that Seamus Heaney leaves on me: how possible it is to be intensely, memorably, painfully and gloriously alive, connected with surprising tendrils of story to other humans. 

An older piece of writing I did on Seamus Heaney:

Heroes: Seamus Heaney

Links:

Original Writing:




Writing about Poetry:

Poetry (outlining my motivations for revisiting the reading and writing of poetry)



Other things I have previously written connected to poetry:



Wednesday, 13 August 2025

Saying yes, saying no

(I've started a routine of reading poetry again, and part of my so-far enthusiastic and optimistic goal setting is to occasionally write about a poem/poet. Here is the first entry, hopefully one of many.)

Week of  August 5th to 8th

The poet I chose this week was Esta Spalding.  Two of her books reside on my shelf dedicated to poetry: Lost August and Anchoress. When I took them down and opened them up, I found an autograph and greeting handwritten to me from October 2001. So, apparently, I went to a poetry reading by Spalding in my early 20s.  I have no memory of this event. But I liked her poetry enough to either buy two books at the reading, or to buy them first and take them with me for autographs.
 
The time matches up with the last year of my undergraduate degree. I was taking a creative writing course, and part of the requirement was to go to a number of poetry readings. Perhaps this reading was one of them. Or, it's possible that I had been assigned Spalding's books as part of another course, and was told about the reading by a professor. Again, I have no idea which it was. It's possible though, that somewhere in one of my boxes is an account of the reading that I wrote for marks, or even an essay featuring Spalding. That's an amusing thought, though I'm not sure I'm tempted to go looking. Maybe later. As a life-long journaler, I'm always fascinated by how my memory edits experiences over time. Although, when I do look back on my contemporary accounts, I often conclude that the memory I have is the superior edit!

I chose Lost August because, well, it's August. As I read through the book, the music of a few poems sounded familiar to my ears. So, I know I did read this book, possibly many times.

But the poem that struck me, in August 2025, almost a quarter century after I bought it, is not one that I remember reading.

Recipe 
By Esta Spalding

At first, she wouldn't eat beef.
She lived with the living meat, swam in
the lame eyes of veal. Then,
neither chicken nor fish,
nothing with a face.
She took no lover
who ate it, no tainted kiss. Now she won't
read anything written by one carnivorous:
images brewed on flesh, on bone.

I wanted to write for her something
with a vegetable base - I'm finding my mind has
changed, branching, it drinks
sometimes entirely brightness - 

--p. 46, Lost August, 1999

The poem follows the changing perspective of a "she" who follows a more and more restrictive vegan diet. Perhaps this poem stood out for me because in our contemporary time there is much conversation about "extremists." This is a word calculated to cause anxiety in those of us that don't think of ourselves as extremists, and probably eye-rolls in those who have been labeled that (does anyone self-label as an extremist, without irony?). But it's also a vague word, one that obscures more than it reveals. What is an extremist really? Are they always dangerous? How does one become one? Can any of us become one? What makes it tempting to become an extremist? How are extremists useful?

The first thing I notice about the poem, is that it does not judge "her." There is a mix of what seem to be neutral descriptions "She wouldn't eat beef" along with statements that sound like they were made by "she" herself: "[I will eat] nothing with a face."  In contrast, imagine if "she" shared her beliefs about veganism in an X post, or on Tik Tok, or even in a SubStack essay. There would be a fractal explosion of rude and bad-tempered comments following it, perhaps with a complementary structure of sympathetic ones. "She" would be called all the insults of the moment, examples of which I will not even bother to give because I am not sure what is the latest fashion in insults. (Ok that is not entirely true: I've noticed the R-word is making a comeback.).

But the poem observes, with a sympathy that implies affection for "her" rather than a whole-hearted support of her beliefs. At the end, the poet playfully considers what it might mean to write "with a vegetable base." It's not clear to me what this means, and probably it's not clear to the poet either, as the poem abruptly dissolves in a self-regarding "brightness."

Perhaps this is an advantage of poetry, and a reason to read and write it, in 2025: it gives you the space to play, to take an idea to its furthest possible point, to an extreme, without threatening anyone.

Continuing deeper in: I am not, never have been, and do not expect to ever be a vegan. But, I find myself relating to the trail of negation in this poem. I wonder if many of us could, if we were honest with ourselves, and put aside any opinions we might have about veganism.

What I am talking about could perhaps be seen as the mirror image of addiction, or at least the temptation to always say yes to more: more material stuff, more stimulation, more variety. Even if it is encouraged in our consumerist society, I think most people know that always indulging yourself is at the very least a bit unseemly, and quite possibly unhealthy or immoral.

But what about its opposite and complementary impulse?

What I mean is, instead of saying Yes to every wish and impulse, you start saying No to them. Now the wishes and impulses do not exponentially magnify, they are reduced. It's like the silly game we used to play as kids with a grape. "This is Paul," we would say, holding up a single grape. You eat half of it: "This is half of Paul." Then another half "This is a quarter of Paul."  "This is an eighth of Paul." "This is a sixteenth of Paul." The goal was to keep eating half of what remained until Paul was reduced to a piece of grape so small you had no choice but to finally eat the whole thing "This is none of Paul." (#whatpeopledidforfunbeforetheinternet)

If you didn't have the great good fortune that I had to be amused in this way by older siblings, then think about what can happen with ideas. Take a swathe of ideas or beliefs about something, and make half of those beliefs unacceptable. Now you are focusing on the half that remains. Your focus will be twice as intense. Now, make half that set of beliefs outside the pale. And repeat. And repeat.

Is it just me, or is this not an uncommon experience? With each "No," your attention becomes more and more focused, and if the process continues, will become hyper-focused on a tiny sliver of belief that represents the ultimate truth and rightness of something. And contrary to gluttony, which feels intuitively icky and selfish, this train of negation can feel.....well, quite virtuous and enlightened.

On the other hand, if you know someone who has abandoned themselves to this series of negations, would you not agree they are most likely insufferable?  While we might have still have love for the "she" in the poem, would we look forward to going out to dinner with her? Or discussing literature?

In the last stanza, the poet observes that her mind has "changed". Perhaps this is because she has grasped the logic of her vegan subject and regards it with sympathy? But then what is the result? Her mind starts to drink "sometimes entirely brightness." The words "bright" and "light" are often coded positive, as opposed to "darkness" (somewhere malice or evil or neglect lurk). I don't think "bright" is coded positive in this poem though, or it's at least ambivalent. "Brightness" is insubstantial: no human can realistically subsist on "brightness". And the poem cuts off at this point. There is no "there, there." Maybe it starved to death ecstatically, but it's still dead.

I think this "brightness" is the same as the "deep blue air" in Philip Larkin's High Windows.

Rather than words comes the thought of high windows:   
The sun-comprehending glass,
And beyond it, the deep blue air, that shows
Nothing, and is nowhere, and is endless.

The subjects in "High Windows" are not denying themselves, they are embracing nihilism and doing whatever they want. But they end up in the same place ultimately as the vegan who denied herself more and more, in bright air that shows nothing, and is nowhere, and is endless.

It's not endless of course, everything ends. And perhaps, to answer one of my questions, this is what makes extremists useful, at least the ones in poetry. They have the courage to take ideas to their end, so we can perhaps see where those ideas go before falling into them face-first.

Links:

Original Writing:




Writing about Poetry:

Poetry (outlining my motivations for revisiting the reading and writing of poetry)



Other things I have previously written connected to poetry: